- June 13th, 2014, 11:13 am
#456052
So, my fiance and I are getting ready to start pre-marriage counseling and we were told by our pastor to read, "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
We just got the book yesterday and read through the first two chapters, and then we had to put the book down. Both of us have some serious issues with the author's perspective on marriage. First, the entire book is about "building an affair proof marriage." It doesn't really get into the purpose of marriage. It's simply about avoiding an affair. It asserts that men have 5 basic needs, and women have 5 basic needs and these needs are opposite of each other. Additionally, it points out that man's most important need is to be "sexually fulfilled," and that a woman's most important need is to be "emotionally fulfilled." There are questions in the back of the chapters and in one chapter, the three questions for the woman to ask herself are as follows.
"1. Do you take your husband's need for you to be attractive seriously? If not, why not?
2. Does your husband really like the way you look most of the time? Do you?
3. How much care do you take in the way you look? How is your figure? Do you use cosmetics to good advantage? Do you change your hairstyle from time to time to please your husband by giving him a little variety in the way you look?"
What do you guys think of this? Have any of you read this book?
I'm not the type to try and get into a debate with a pastor, even if I actually disagree with him. However, if our pastor really believes that it is our responsibility to ensure that the other one doesn't have an affair, than I have a big problem with him marrying us. There is more to marriage than simply avoiding an affair, right? Also, I'm allowed to have actual basic needs that doesn't include sex, correct? Also, isn't my fiance is allowed to desire sex? Lots of questions, lots of concerns. I would appreciate any and all feedback.
We just got the book yesterday and read through the first two chapters, and then we had to put the book down. Both of us have some serious issues with the author's perspective on marriage. First, the entire book is about "building an affair proof marriage." It doesn't really get into the purpose of marriage. It's simply about avoiding an affair. It asserts that men have 5 basic needs, and women have 5 basic needs and these needs are opposite of each other. Additionally, it points out that man's most important need is to be "sexually fulfilled," and that a woman's most important need is to be "emotionally fulfilled." There are questions in the back of the chapters and in one chapter, the three questions for the woman to ask herself are as follows.
"1. Do you take your husband's need for you to be attractive seriously? If not, why not?
2. Does your husband really like the way you look most of the time? Do you?
3. How much care do you take in the way you look? How is your figure? Do you use cosmetics to good advantage? Do you change your hairstyle from time to time to please your husband by giving him a little variety in the way you look?"
What do you guys think of this? Have any of you read this book?
I'm not the type to try and get into a debate with a pastor, even if I actually disagree with him. However, if our pastor really believes that it is our responsibility to ensure that the other one doesn't have an affair, than I have a big problem with him marrying us. There is more to marriage than simply avoiding an affair, right? Also, I'm allowed to have actual basic needs that doesn't include sex, correct? Also, isn't my fiance is allowed to desire sex? Lots of questions, lots of concerns. I would appreciate any and all feedback.