[RubberMallet]

http://www.apollonius.net/nibiru.html

some of the awesomeness.

The United States Government squashed the story immediately! For some arcane top-secret reason the government doesn't want to alarm or panic the general public by disclosure of this discovery. Why? Because a race of reptilian super-beings inhabits that planet, and common knowledge of this fact would have people screaming in the streets. Listen to this story.

This solar system was internally stable 500,000 years ago. But an unanticipated, strange event occurred. One of the larger planets from the Sirian System had strayed off course eons before and had drifted our way. This planet had been unwittingly captured by our Sun and thrown into an extremely elongated comet-like orbit, lasting 3,600 of our current years, with its aphelion at the Oort Cloud, the very boundary of the Sun's gravitational field. It is approximately the size of our Planet Neptune. It is populated with a reptilian super-race governed by an elite aristocracy known as "the Nefilim". The general population is known as "Anunnaki" (Sumerian) or "Anakim" (Old Testament). At the time of this event, the Planet Nibiru was being ruled by Emperor Alalu and Empress Lilitu.

After the passage of several Nibiruan orbits around their new Sun, perhaps 26,000 Tiamatian Years, as their planet's orbit stabilized, Nibiru passed perilously close to Tiamat. One of its host of moons and moonlets crashed into Tiamat in what is now the Pacific Ocean, blowing the lost continent of Lemuria to smithereens, leaving its remnants floating about in Space in what we now so casually refer to as the "Asteroid Belt", and knocking Tiamat out of it old orbit and into a newer one closer to the Sun.

[RagingTireFire]

The Magic of the Interweb: Because when America runs low on crazazy, there's a wacky Turk on backup.

[Kolzilla41]

Did anyone else see the penis jug?