[El Scorcho]

6. She doesn't want you to take care of the house.

7. Do NOT give her something special every once in a while "just to let her know how special she is".

I dunno, man. Both of those have worked pretty darned well for me. I clean the house better than most people's moms do. It's an OCD thing. And I'm a giver, in general, so that's just what I do. She pretty well knows I'm not cheating on her, because, well, hello, it's me.

All I'm saying is a clean house and a surprise gift have gone a long way for me in the past.

[LUconn]

5. Respect her wishes if she does not want to have children quite yet.

Is there anything you want to share with us BJ? This is one of the oddest things I've heard from someone who hasn't been married. I won't even get into the logistics of not respecting her wishes to not have children.

[Rocketfan]

6. She doesn't want you to take care of the house.

7. Do NOT give her something special every once in a while "just to let her know how special she is".

I dunno, man. Both of those have worked pretty darned well for me. I clean the house better than most people's moms do. It's an OCD thing. And I'm a giver, in general, so that's just what I do. She pretty well knows I'm not cheating on her, because, well, hello, it's me.

All I'm saying is a clean house and a surprise gift have gone a long way for me in the past.

Ill agree with that as well.....my wife tells people i clean better than her due to the OCD thing.

[HenryGale]

You can add to the list: Your wife comes first

yes i live by this....it makes her more open for other things...

oh wait...what?

Oh! You beat me to it!

Lib, remember....it's not a Race!

[Fumblerooskies]

Don't...under ANY circumstances...go play a church league softball game the night the wife comes home with the newborn baby

[RubberMallet]

wtfudge why is this turning into "things to do" gay crap....get back to things NOT TO DO...or lock this thread

[Knucklehead]

Just celebrated 14 years of marriage yesterday.

My #1 tip:

Never solve her "problems". They are not really problems at all, she just wants to talk. This stinks for me, because solving problems is what I do. It will appear as a huge, shiny, red, button with Push me stupid written on it, but DON'T push it! Just nod and either smile or frown. Throw in a quick "OK" or "Really?!?", and hug her. Bottom line (which again is really crazy if you knew me) "SHUT-UP!"

[LUconn]

GOOD one. I had to learn that the hard way. Like 10 times. At least. Although if you don't do that you're "acting like you don't care". But I think it's the better of the 2 options.

[PAmedic]

since some of you are saps (MALLET is right):

11. Don't leave the maternity ward the night of the delivery and spend the rest of the night at a house fire.

12. Don't fart repeatedly in the car and then lock her window in the "up" position

13. when she is trying to explain something, don' t stare at her and go "bah bah bah bah bah bah? Bah bah baha bah bah?"

14. (on a similar note) do NOT flap your fingers and say "THIS is what you're doing", then close your fingers and say "THIS is what I want you to do"

15. don't insist you will "get to the dishes later". Just do them right away, because they make you vomit when they've been in the sink for a week

16. don't call from work to say you're heading home and then screw around for another hour. Or two.

17. (Can't believe no one has mentioned this one) If you ARE lost, just admit it and ask for directions. They know when you are faking it and just making random turns.

18. don't tell her you know how to build an addition on the house if you really don't- just call a contractor

19. Don't assure her you will take the trash out and then forget and then call her at 0600 AM to remind her to put it out.

20. "you don't own the remote." (Similar in meaning to: "it doesn't have your name on it" ) also, don't PUT your name on the remote: similar to the over-riding principle of "you're not funny" )

[jcmanson]

This is good stuff. You guys got me cracking up.

Question for some of you more seasoned husbands:

My wife always wants me to plan a "date night". There's not that many place we can go. She doesn't like going to the movies, there's only so many restraunts, and there has to be something other than just dinner. She always expects it to be a suprise and something fun. What else is there????

[PAmedic]

Date night: good question - wrong thread. I'll start a new one.

http://flamefans.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=5041

[jcmanson]

Don't stay glued to your XBOX until you go to bed after coming home from a full day of work.

[RubberMallet]

thats a good one jc....computer as well..

do not tell your wife you are going to do something and then forget to do it....it especially sucks to say "yeah i'll get those dishes", forget, go to sleep, then come home from work the next day to see the sink empty.....and she never says anythign about it either....

DONT BRING UP ANYTHING THAT SHES DONE WRONG IN THE PAST....they say "do i do this to you" which they usually don't...and now you look like a clown....

do not purposefully do things wrong just because you'll think she'll just say "forget it" and do it herself.....she just continues to try and teach you....they are amazing creatures....

do not live 2 hrs from chicago and be married for 4 years and NEVER TAKE HER THERE...you'll hear about it....

do not think that when it comes time to buy a new car and you each have equally old cars that it will be yours...

i catch the fish, you clean the fish is unacceptable regardless of how good she is at it....

SHE LOVES HER PARENTS MORE THAN YOURS, GET OVER IT

more to come

[El Scorcho]

.do not think that when it comes time to buy a new car and you each have equally old cars that it will be yours...

No joke. She should always have the nicer car. Always. Because if something should ever go wrong with her car, and you're driving around something newer/nicer...oh boy. Women do not like being stranded on the side of the road.

Also: Joking about your imaginary girlfriend? Not cool. Even more not cool if you keep a picture of said imaginary girlfriend in your wallet to show the kids. (Learned this one from the Father in Law.)

[ATrain]

.do not think that when it comes time to buy a new car and you each have equally old cars that it will be yours...

No joke. She should always have the nicer car. Always. Because if something should ever go wrong with her car, and you're driving around something newer/nicer...oh boy. Women do not like being stranded on the side of the road.

Also: Joking about your imaginary girlfriend? Not cool. Even more not cool if you keep a picture of said imaginary girlfriend in your wallet to show the kids. (Learned this one from the Father in Law.)

So SJ shouldn't be showing pictures of Kristen Hutchens then?

[SuperJon]

Who's Kristen Hutchens? I searched Facebook for her and she's not on there.

[El Scorcho]

When she says "Your pile of stuff to go through the shredder is getting pretty big.", do not come back with "Your pile of laundry is a lot bigger."

Noted as of 19:04 on June 29, 2007.

[PAmedic]

When she says "Your pile of stuff to go through the shredder is getting pretty big.", do not come back with "Your pile of laundry is a lot bigger."

Noted as of 19:04 on June 29, 2007.

hmmmm.... thanks-

must

remember

that one

[Fumblerooskies]

Mind if I borrow that line, Scorcho. I think it is a great comeback.

[BJWilliams]

5. Respect her wishes if she does not want to have children quite yet.

Is there anything you want to share with us BJ? This is one of the oddest things I've heard from someone who hasn't been married. I won't even get into the logistics of not respecting her wishes to not have children.

I have a lot of friends who are now married (or about to be) so the idea comes up occasionally in conversation. Just about all of them have said that they do not want to have kids right out of the gate, and its usually the girl who makes that clear first.

[Purple Haize]

at the suggestion of EL SCORCHO: this is for you young pups

AN ON-GOING LIST:

1. no farting under the covers to create a dutch oven like all the guys at work brag about
WE call that the Poot and Cover. ALways entertaining




4. no teaching son to watch TV and scope out "hot chicks"
Why? I watch TV and scope them out with Mrs Purple!!

5. no Al Bundy behavior on the couch (hand down pants, yelling for beer)
You needed a better Prenup

6. no using the family car to chase deer in the front yard
Same with company car and neighbors kids

7. no pushing all the crumbs onto the floor so "the dog will get it" (I know- that DOES sound like a good idea, but trust me- don't)
Works for me. We have 2 dogs and laminate flooring. I sell it by telling her they are also mopping the floor
8. using the phrase "at least I'm not out at the bar" will NOT get you off the hook for being on FF.com at 0100 AM when you were specifically told to come to bed.
It is what is in your OTHER window when you "claim" to be on FF.com that she is worried about


9. falling asleep on the couch with all the lights on and the TV roaring REALLY agitates her. I don't know why.
She does this. I just let it go!

10. no trying to hit a lob wedge over the house. Bad things happen.

Good point