[BJWilliams]

I said among other consequences, and I was trying to build on Jon's point about being one step away from doing something completely stupid. I have no doubt there are young ladies out there who live with their significant other and have not gotten pregnant. I simply pointed out that as one of the possibilities of issues that can come about from that sort of living arrangement.

[Purple Haize]

I said among other consequences, and I was trying to build on Jon's point about being one step away from doing something completely stupid. I have no doubt there are young ladies out there who live with their significant other and have not gotten pregnant. I simply pointed out that as one of the possibilities of issues that can come about from that sort of living arrangement.

So can a marriage that lasts decades.

[BJWilliams]

True. although I was thinking more along the lines of STDs and the like (and yes I know that can happen even if you aren't living with them too)

[RubberMallet]

I think personal freedom is a good thing no matter what someone's religious affiliation may be. I am not here to judge anyone for the choices they make as long as they are not harming themselves or others.

"harming themselves and others" is continually used in such a naive way and its always fascinating.

[RubberMallet]

my father has been a marriage counselor for years. saved or not, the couples with most problems all lived with each other before marriage. sex is implied most of the time. the whole, we are roommates is complete bullcrap 99.9% of the time. people that live with each other before marriage engaged, have marriages that fail much regularly than the opposite. there are other factors involved obviously.

and to the OP. sorry, porn and other sexual sin is the biggest challenge a man will have being married most of the time. showing your and your future wife this is of utter importance. Paul tripp does a great marriage seminar about how everything is a HEART issue in the end and you have to resolve those selfish problems first and everything else will fall in line. he essentially craps on the "5 love languages" and other tricks that help people stay in love or whatever. which i think is a mistake but i get what he's saying.


our pastor's wife told my wife that i would be tempted everywhere i went for the rest of my life by sexual sin and that there was only one way to control it. sure if my heart is right it will help tremendously right? but come on guys, we are fallen. her advice to my wife was to take care of yourself and give it up often and mix it up regularly. that was her marriage advice. exhaust your husband regularly with so much sex that he was to tired to get it elsewhere. and i love my pastors wife because of this advice.

even with the love languages thing. overwhelmingly the man's is physical touch. the woman's is usually one of the other ridiculous ones that i can't even remember.

so RE: the original topic at hand. i think its a fine book to read as PART of counseling. it certainly shouldn't be all it is. Do you know how often Christian married couples seek counseling or don't and are ruined by sexual sin? LOTS. there is a reason he's stressing it. its important. Yes, there is much more to marriage. a person or couple should not be defined by their sexual proclivities. your pastor is probably tired of the neverending door of christian couples dealing with that problem years into their marriage.

[Kolzilla41]

my father has been a marriage counselor for years. saved or not, the couples with most problems all lived with each other before marriage. sex is implied most of the time. the whole, we are roommates is complete bullcrap 99.9% of the time. people that live with each other before marriage engaged, have marriages that fail much regularly than the opposite. there are other factors involved obviously.

and to the OP. sorry, porn and other sexual sin is the biggest challenge a man will have being married most of the time. showing your and your future wife this is of utter importance. Paul tripp does a great marriage seminar about how everything is a HEART issue in the end and you have to resolve those selfish problems first and everything else will fall in line. he essentially craps on the "5 love languages" and other tricks that help people stay in love or whatever. which i think is a mistake but i get what he's saying.


our pastor's wife told my wife that i would be tempted everywhere i went for the rest of my life by sexual sin and that there was only one way to control it. sure if my heart is right it will help tremendously right? but come on guys, we are fallen. her advice to my wife was to take care of yourself and give it up often and mix it up regularly. that was her marriage advice. exhaust your husband regularly with so much sex that he was to tired to get it elsewhere. and i love my pastors wife because of this advice.

even with the love languages thing. overwhelmingly the man's is physical touch. the woman's is usually one of the other ridiculous ones that i can't even remember.

so RE: the original topic at hand. i think its a fine book to read as PART of counseling. it certainly shouldn't be all it is. Do you know how often Christian married couples seek counseling or don't and are ruined by sexual sin? LOTS. there is a reason he's stressing it. its important. Yes, there is much more to marriage. a person or couple should not be defined by their sexual proclivities. your pastor is probably tired of the neverending door of christian couples dealing with that problem years into their marriage.

EXCELLENT, excellent post Mallet. I wish someone would have been straight forward with me on this. The biggest obstacle to my marriage is ME.

[BJWilliams]

my father has been a marriage counselor for years. saved or not, the couples with most problems all lived with each other before marriage. sex is implied most of the time. the whole, we are roommates is complete bullcrap 99.9% of the time. people that live with each other before marriage engaged, have marriages that fail much regularly than the opposite. there are other factors involved obviously.

and to the OP. sorry, porn and other sexual sin is the biggest challenge a man will have being married most of the time. showing your and your future wife this is of utter importance. Paul tripp does a great marriage seminar about how everything is a HEART issue in the end and you have to resolve those selfish problems first and everything else will fall in line. he essentially craps on the "5 love languages" and other tricks that help people stay in love or whatever. which i think is a mistake but i get what he's saying.


our pastor's wife told my wife that i would be tempted everywhere i went for the rest of my life by sexual sin and that there was only one way to control it. sure if my heart is right it will help tremendously right? but come on guys, we are fallen. her advice to my wife was to take care of yourself and give it up often and mix it up regularly. that was her marriage advice. exhaust your husband regularly with so much sex that he was to tired to get it elsewhere. and i love my pastors wife because of this advice.

even with the love languages thing. overwhelmingly the man's is physical touch. the woman's is usually one of the other ridiculous ones that i can't even remember.

so RE: the original topic at hand. i think its a fine book to read as PART of counseling. it certainly shouldn't be all it is. Do you know how often Christian married couples seek counseling or don't and are ruined by sexual sin? LOTS. there is a reason he's stressing it. its important. Yes, there is much more to marriage. a person or couple should not be defined by their sexual proclivities. your pastor is probably tired of the neverending door of christian couples dealing with that problem years into their marriage.

As much of a curmudgeon you can be at times mallet, you have a lot of wisdom and life experience you could share with people

[thepostman]

I am sure he would of you'd ask him. Shoot him a pm

[Purple Haize]

my father has been a marriage counselor for years. saved or not, the couples with most problems all lived with each other before marriage. sex is implied most of the time. the whole, we are roommates is complete bullcrap 99.9% of the time. people that live with each other before marriage engaged, have marriages that fail much regularly than the opposite. there are other factors involved obviously.

and to the OP. sorry, porn and other sexual sin is the biggest challenge a man will have being married most of the time. showing your and your future wife this is of utter importance. Paul tripp does a great marriage seminar about how everything is a HEART issue in the end and you have to resolve those selfish problems first and everything else will fall in line. he essentially craps on the "5 love languages" and other tricks that help people stay in love or whatever. which i think is a mistake but i get what he's saying.


our pastor's wife told my wife that i would be tempted everywhere i went for the rest of my life by sexual sin and that there was only one way to control it. sure if my heart is right it will help tremendously right? but come on guys, we are fallen. her advice to my wife was to take care of yourself and give it up often and mix it up regularly. that was her marriage advice. exhaust your husband regularly with so much sex that he was to tired to get it elsewhere. and i love my pastors wife because of this advice.

even with the love languages thing. overwhelmingly the man's is physical touch. the woman's is usually one of the other ridiculous ones that i can't even remember.

so RE: the original topic at hand. i think its a fine book to read as PART of counseling. it certainly shouldn't be all it is. Do you know how often Christian married couples seek counseling or don't and are ruined by sexual sin? LOTS. there is a reason he's stressing it. its important. Yes, there is much more to marriage. a person or couple should not be defined by their sexual proclivities. your pastor is probably tired of the neverending door of christian couples dealing with that problem years into their marriage.

Worst. Advice. Ever. You will be tempted regardless of how your wife looks or how much she wears you out. This puts the majority of the onus on the woman, basically absolving the male of any mid deeds. Now, if the husband goes off the rails the woman will have no other conclusion then to think it was entirely her fault. 'If only I looked better.....' 'If only I tried that thing with the whip cream...." Horrible to deal with that type of aftermath.
FLAMERBOB hit the nail on the head.

[RubberMallet]

of course youll still be tempted. she def talked about that with my wife. its on both of us to keep us out of those positions. if things go wrong, youll always question if you did this or that differently. its always a two way street. reiterating that it very important to men usually was very important to hear. i teach our newlywed young marrieds class and run our accountability program. base on the fact she did couselimg with most of the women in the class, its working out pretty well.

[Purple Haize]

of course youll still be tempted. she def talked about that with my wife. its on both of us to keep us out of those positions. if things go wrong, youll always question if you did this or that differently. its always a two way street. reiterating that it very important to men usually was very important to hear. i teach our newlywed young marrieds class and run our accountability program. base on the fact she did couselimg with most of the women in the class, its working out pretty well.

That's not really logical. A lot of people have been doing a lot of things for a very long time. I doubt they are all doing them correctly. Even if they appear to be working out pretty well.

I agree with everything you said prior to that. It is spot on. However, when coupled (no pun intended) with her earlier statements it just adds fuel to the fire and more blame on the woman. 'Gee, my Pastor's wife told me he would be faithful if I did X,Y and Z. I must be doing it wrong since he cheated'. Now the husband has an 'out' 'Yeah, my wife isn't dying her hair blond anymore which makes her less attractive. So it was only natural for me to cheat on her.' That is flat out a recipe for a horrible marriage.
I'm not singling your situation as unique. Unfortunately, it's 'Old School' common. And a recipe for horrible marriages. Even I everything appears 'to be working out pretty well'

[RubberMallet]

of course youll still be tempted. she def talked about that with my wife. its on both of us to keep us out of those positions. if things go wrong, youll always question if you did this or that differently. its always a two way street. reiterating that it very important to men usually was very important to hear. i teach our newlywed young marrieds class and run our accountability program. base on the fact she did couselimg with most of the women in the class, its working out pretty well.

That's not really logical. A lot of people have been doing a lot of things for a very long time. I doubt they are all doing them correctly. Even if they appear to be working out pretty well.

I agree with everything you said prior to that. It is spot on. However, when coupled (no pun intended) with her earlier statements it just adds fuel to the fire and more blame on the woman. 'Gee, my Pastor's wife told me he would be faithful if I did X,Y and Z. I must be doing it wrong since he cheated'. Now the husband has an 'out' 'Yeah, my wife isn't dying her hair blond anymore which makes her less attractive. So it was only natural for me to cheat on her.' That is flat out a recipe for a horrible marriage.
I'm not singling your situation as unique. Unfortunately, it's 'Old School' common. And a recipe for horrible marriages. Even I everything appears 'to be working out pretty well'

you are adding to it. she certainly never placed it solely on the woman. thats preposterous. it is logical. she wouldnt be suggesting it for years without a modicum of success. the two together (per my dad) have saved more marriages , many of which my dad thought doomed. he has since retired and does marriage counseling for only church staffers across the country. unfortunatley and fortunately hes completely booked all the time.

[SuperJon]

One of the best things a couple can do is work to keep themselves in good shape and attractive to each other. It's not the only thing, but it certainly helps. It's one of the leading reasons my wife and I are trying to lose weight, get in better shape, and take care of ourselves.

[alabama24]

Good SJ. Another thing is to have fun together. My wife told me last month that she couldn't wait until August. I assumed it was because we are expecting our third child. Nope (although she cant wait for that too!). She can't wait for August because she is ready for FOOTBALL SEASON to begin. I married a Jem.

[Purple Haize]

Good SJ. Another thing is to have fun together. My wife told me last month that she couldn't wait until August. I assumed it was because we are expecting our third child. Nope (although she cant wait for that too!). She can't wait for August because she is ready for FOOTBALL SEASON to begin. I married a Jem.

Agreed.

[alabama24]

Too bad there aren't points for PH agreeing with me.

[Purple Haize]

Too bad there aren't points for PH agreeing with me.

Just the reassurance that your thought process is 100% correct should be reward enough

[Yacht Rock]

have fun together

This is key to a happy marriage. I've seen many marriages where the spouses don't seem to enjoy spending time with each other. Almost where folks expect they can get married and continue living the single life. In the end, we have to find how we can have fun with our spouses. Like alabama, my wife and I enjoy a lot of the same things so it's very easy for us to go and do things together and enjoy each other's company.

Also, kudos to whoever mentioned Tripp. He brings the marriage relationship all back to the relationship we have with Christ and that relationship problems are heart problems and heart problems are worship problems. This is very true. Everything else is a band-aid. If you want to get at the root of what causes problems, go to the source, don't try to put a band aid on it.

Now, I will say this, I have read through many marriage books and have facilitated marriage classes among couples based on things like Art of Marriage and Five Love Languages. I believe this all has value, but in the end, getting to the root of our issue is key. It's not as simple as "we didn't go on enough dates" or "he didn't get me enough gifts and that was my love language." That's not what causes a relationship to fail. It's much much deeper than that.

[jbock13]

I'm not married but a prefer that my woman not be really into sports. My last girlfriend was and she would literally get so emotionally invested... not sure if she thought she should really try or not but when it gets to the point where sports literally affect your mood, I'm not sure I'm okay with that.

My current one will watch it if I'm watching it, but she's not rooting for anyone.

I know that's OT but I'm interested in other perspectives on that.

[flamehunter]

I'm not married but a prefer that my woman not be really into sports. My last girlfriend was and she would literally get so emotionally invested... not sure if she thought she should really try or not but when it gets to the point where sports literally affect your mood, I'm not sure I'm okay with that.

My current one will watch it if I'm watching it, but she's not rooting for anyone.

I know that's OT but I'm interested in other perspectives on that.

That describes 95% of the posters on here. Or is it ok for guys, just not the ladies?

[alabama24]

I'm not married but a prefer that my woman not be really into sports. My last girlfriend was and she would literally get so emotionally invested... not sure if she thought she should really try or not but when it gets to the point where sports literally affect your mood, I'm not sure I'm okay with that.

My current one will watch it if I'm watching it, but she's not rooting for anyone.

I know that's OT but I'm interested in other perspectives on that.

My 2 cents:

When you are dating, you will do things that you might not normally do because you are interested in the other person (this applies to both men and women). Once you get married, you start to lose interest in those things because you were never interested in them in the first place.

It's OK if your girlfriend doesn't like sports... but you need to have shared interests. You need to do things together and be together for the long term. If a dating couple doesn't have those now, why would they think they would have them in the future? Shared interests, beliefs and convictions are very important to a healthy marriage, but they aren't always necessary in a "dating" relationship (at least at first)...

[RubberMallet]

I'm not married but a prefer that my woman not be really into sports. My last girlfriend was and she would literally get so emotionally invested... not sure if she thought she should really try or not but when it gets to the point where sports literally affect your mood, I'm not sure I'm okay with that.

My current one will watch it if I'm watching it, but she's not rooting for anyone.

I know that's OT but I'm interested in other perspectives on that.

watching sports with women i know that are "into" sports are some of the most awful sports experiences i've ever had. my friends that are cursed with this put on a pretty good facade but they are usually miserable. i don't go to their houses to watch sports anymore. you find out the "don't watch sports at their house" couples at your first superbowl party. whne a guys wife is talking about why she'd rather have joe flacco over tom brady make a mental note. outside of the fact that a few friends have an easier time watching sports on tv with a sports loving wife, i don't see the appeal. there are a million other things we like to do together and thank God one of them isn't watching/discussing sports.

[BJWilliams]

My wife isn't a huge sports fan but she did enjoy going to Hillcats games with me (and Tides games now that we are in the 757). Other than that she doesn't get too into sports, so I try not to force her to watch when Im watching and she tries to not force me to change the channel if she sees me watching when she comes in.

[Purple Haize]

I'm not married but a prefer that my woman not be really into sports. My last girlfriend was and she would literally get so emotionally invested... not sure if she thought she should really try or not but when it gets to the point where sports literally affect your mood, I'm not sure I'm okay with that.

My current one will watch it if I'm watching it, but she's not rooting for anyone.

I know that's OT but I'm interested in other perspectives on that.

watching sports with women i know that are "into" sports are some of the most awful sports experiences i've ever had. my friends that are cursed with this put on a pretty good facade but they are usually miserable. i don't go to their houses to watch sports anymore. you find out the "don't watch sports at their house" couples at your first superbowl party. whne a guys wife is talking about why she'd rather have joe flacco over tom brady make a mental note. outside of the fact that a few friends have an easier time watching sports on tv with a sports loving wife, i don't see the appeal. there are a million other things we like to do together and thank God one of them isn't watching/discussing sports.

Totally disagree. No one has a wife more into hoops than I do. It's flat out awesome. She also likes watching College Football. Which makes Saturdays awesome in the Fall/Winter.
(she's also becoming a closet metal head which is pretty sweet too)

[Cider Jim]

Purple, what's it like losing to girl? I know you played professionally and all, but I bet Mrs. Purple can beat you in a game of horse or drive past you with her cross over dribble to the bucket.