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By Ewglenn
#567071 My wife and I have been together for 6 years married for 4 &1/2. We have a daughter that is 20 months old. I thought we were unbreakable and never thought anything would shake our relationship. Well about 10 months ago my wife laid out her feelings and there were a lot of things she felt were wrong in the relationship. Pretty much all areas, except parenting and our friendship, she felt weren’t up to where they should have been. We’ve tried marriage counseling and she felt like there wasn’t enough of an improvement. I am very much conservative in my approach to marriage. We’ve gotten to the point where I was hit this past weekend with we are separating and we see how we feel in 6 months or we get divorced. I have no desire to date anyone or anything like that but she isn’t opposed to it. She got a job 13 hours away, I encouraged taking it because I do want her to be happy and it’s where she would want to live permanently. I’ll be following as soon as our house sells, no timeline, because I don’t want to be away from our daughter. So what are yalls thoughts? I love this women to death but this is killing me. She has told me she needs to figure out what she wants in life and doesn’t know if that includes or doesn’t include me. She also has said she always just wanted to feel like I cared. So I’m just confused and not really sure what to think about the situation. I’ve tried everything and I just have no idea what to do now. I’ve been praying but it is still incredibly difficult to handle. I’m hoping for some advice as what I should do and prayers.
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By alabama24
#567075 I don't have any words of wisdom. I will certainly pray for all three of you. Is she moving back "home"? What is your relationship with her folks like? Does she come from a broken family? Were you going to church together?
By Ewglenn
#567080
alabama24 wrote:I don't have any words of wisdom. I will certainly pray for all three of you. Is she moving back "home"? What is your relationship with her folks like? Does she come from a broken family? Were you going to church together?


She is moving closer to home but not home. She will be about 8 hours instead of 20. I have a pretty good relationship with her entire family. Most of them are not siding with her which I know is making it tough for her. Her family is successful but they have a lot of issues. We were going to church together before we moved but haven’t found a church where we’ve been living. We moved to SD about a year ago.
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By Purple Haize
#567082 I have an aching heart for you. I have seen/heard this all too often. Where is your daughter staying at the moment ?
By Ewglenn
#567090
Purple Haize wrote:I have an aching heart for you. I have seen/heard this all too often. Where is your daughter staying at the moment ?


Until I can sell the house we are going to split time 3 weeks on 3 off. Obviously I’m going to get there as soon as I can.
By Ewglenn
#567091
alabama24 wrote:
Ewglenn wrote:She will be about 8 hours instead of 20.


Does she have ties to that area? A someone?


One of her best friends from high school is there.
By thepostman
#567100 Is someone feeding her this stuff? It seems odd but I know when my wife and I were having issues (about the 6 or 7 year mark), marital counseling did a great deal in getting us going in the right direction so it is surprising it wasn't helpful for you all. Maybe find someone who can get you guys talking about whatever the root issue is. There has got to be a root issue where this kind of thinking started.

I will pray for you. I wish I had better advice.
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By Purple Haize
#567104
thepostman wrote:Is someone feeding her this stuff? It seems odd but I know when my wife and I were having issues (about the 6 or 7 year mark), marital counseling did a great deal in getting us going in the right direction so it is surprising it wasn't helpful for you all. Maybe find someone who can get you guys talking about whatever the root issue is. There has got to be a root issue where this kind of thinking started.

I will pray for you. I wish I had better advice.


You are on the right path here in my experience
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By Jonathan Carone
#567107 I don’t have great advice, but I do want to say that you’re not alone in going through this. What you are experiencing is a growing plague in marriages within our generation. I hate it for you.
By Ewglenn
#567115
thepostman wrote:Is someone feeding her this stuff? It seems odd but I know when my wife and I were having issues (about the 6 or 7 year mark), marital counseling did a great deal in getting us going in the right direction so it is surprising it wasn't helpful for you all. Maybe find someone who can get you guys talking about whatever the root issue is. There has got to be a root issue where this kind of thinking started.

I will pray for you. I wish I had better advice.


There are a lot of things that are pointing to someone else. Her family thinks it my best friend also thinks it. She gets highly offended when I bring it up. She’s denied it multiple times so I want to believe her. I have tried to make changes but she said they weren’t enough and that she doesn’t know if she will be able to get over me, in her mind, not caring for the first five years. It’s difficult because I just asked her if I would have shown that I cared before would this be different and she said yes.
By Ewglenn
#567117 Also the conversation seems to have been pretty open. We told the counselor everything unless there is something I’m oblivious to. It just seems like there is one piece to the puzzle I’m missing.
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By Sly Fox
#567122 As referenced above, you are at the 6-7 year mark where it seems like nearly every marriage hits its challenges. Marriage is a ton of work and certainly worth fighting with every fiber to preserve. Praying for you in Texas.
By Baldspot1
#567232 Highly recommend the book “How We Love” by the Yerkovichs.

The authors have a lot of free stuff online and on YouTube but I’d start with the book. Very helpful with struggling marriages.

https://www.amazon.com/How-We-Love-Expa ... 0735290172
By JK37
#567238 From hearing just your side, it seems to me she isn’t totally committed to trying to solve the problem. When one even puts separation/divorce on the table as an option, that one cannot claim they’re committed to saving the relationship at any cost.

I don’t know what you did. Maybe you didn’t care for the first five years. But that’s not a reason to quit. Especially with a child in the family now.

I’m very sorry you all are going through this.
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By CCWMichael
#567305 Brother, I feel for you.
There are so many complexities in matters like this. I have read some posts here that I can agree with but for me what stands out the most is at least give it your all *try*. That will not make it any easier for, maybe even be a bit more difficult. Most importantly do not try to be who you are not .. try hard but not too hard. Either way it ends you will know you were genuine and gave the required effort and will better settle it is not all you. Best case scenario it works itself out.
I wish I were more intimate with the details and could help.
I will pray hard for you and your family and get you in some prayer circles here ... if you do not mind.

Find a good therapist that does not judge or implant ideas. Just cause you have one does not mean you need to stay with that one .... find the best.

Good luck and God Bless.
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By Class of 20Something
#567313 I can't relate and can only imagine what you are feeling through this. All I can do is raise you in prayer to the Creator of the universe. Remember that you are created in the image of God and cannot be insignificant to Him. Dwell on your relationship with the Almighty and pray that your wife would meet you there. Regardless of the outcome, your reliance on Him will be important.
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By CCWMichael
#567327
Class of 20Something wrote:I can't relate and can only imagine what you are feeling through this. All I can do is raise you in prayer to the Creator of the universe. Remember that you are created in the image of God and cannot be insignificant to Him. Dwell on your relationship with the Almighty and pray that your wife would meet you there. Regardless of the outcome, your reliance on Him will be important.


+1
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By Purple Haize
#567431
Ewglenn wrote:Well she signed her apartment lease today so I guess there is no changing it now.


Man. I got nothing for you. I wish I could give you something but right now it probably would seem trite. Stay the course brother. Trust God even though it’s not easy right now