A Sea Of Red

Most know that I am young and married 22 at that....But are there other very young couples? Or were some of the older guys married at this age?

I ask because I start Law school in the fall and I was wondering if ther is any advice that can be given about being in grad school and still making time for your significant other.

Dickens, I married at 24 and was back in grad school at age 25 through age 32. No doubt, grad school is tough on marriages. If you can, try to spend a little time each and every day with your wife, even if it's just for a walk in the evening. And try to do your best helping around the house, even if it's just 15 or 30 minutes a day. Mrs. Dickens will appreciate it, and your marriage will be better if you invest some time in it--and in your wife.

Ditto to what Cider said. Both my wife and I got master's degrees after we were married. It was tough. Make sure you continue to build on your marriage thru it all because when the schooling is done you don't want to wonder who the person is your married too.

jmdickens wrote:Most know that I am young and married 22 at that....But are there other very young couples? Or were some of the older guys married at this age?

I ask because I start Law school in the fall and I was wondering if ther is any advice that can be given about being in grad school and still making time for your significant other.

I was in grad school while I was married to my first wife. I would invite her to hang out with me and my buddies on our poker nights, go to the sports bars to watch WWE/UFC pay-per-views, to watch me play pick up basketball with the boys. Anything to include her in my life. It worked great, although she divorced me 7 months later.

Now my second and third wives are a TOTALLY different story.


Seriously, I'm not married and never have been (I kissed a girl once), but had friends with really good intentions screw up their marriages at a young age (some ended in divorce, a few others are dysfunctional). I think you will be fine if you just love her "as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it." Taking every opportunity, no matter how small, to show her some love. I'm not sure how many friends you have, but it may be time to put many of them on a shelf. Some of my young married friends couldn't do that and ultimately sent out the signal that their friends were as important as their wife. Dumb, dumb move IMO.

My first wife and I were married for a few months before I went off to Grad school and she stayed here. We would get together for the weekends about somewhere 1/2 way. My advice is as follows:

1. Get ALL of your classwork done during the week. This gives you Saturday and Sunday to devote to each other. Don't let your homework bleed into the weekend.
2. Make sure you have a "Date Nite" Doens't have to be anything fancy, Chef Boy Ardee pizza and a movie, $1 movie, grocery shopping at Wal Mart. Something that gets you two together.
3. DON'T HAVE A BABY. Or if she can help it her either. Talk about turning your world upside down!!
4. Go somewhere during breaks, but not somewhere too far. STAY AWAY FROM RELATIVES. This is your time together, not theirs.
5. Define boundaries. This is a toughy. If you are setting aside time during the week for school you both must respect that. If you are setting aside time on the weekend for each other then you both must respect that.
6. She will probably go to bed before you. Make sure you two do your devotions at about that time. Unless you are both morning folks.

Hope that helps

God really does have some good men out there. I am amazed! All good advice, all I would say is make sure you are more into her than school.

cheerbren wrote: All good advice, all I would say is make sure you are more into her than school.

That's the exact advice I was going to give

22 and engaged... the girl is still at LU.

My parents were younger than you when they got married...which is exactly why I'm quite happy to be single at the moment after hearing all their hardships just starting out.

every marriage has hardships starting out...

I am not saying that some people should not get married young...but there are those of us who are and I get sick of hearing about how I should've waited til I got out of school...I've been married 2 months now and am far from an expert...but I would not trade this life for the world....of course hardships will come..and I fully expect them to...

but if you truly feel you both are ready to take the plunge and have talked about it and talked about all the changes beforehand I think you'll be fine...

my wife and i tried out best to talk about everything before getting married, that way we would be prepared for balancing school,work, and married life....

so far so good

jmdickens wrote:Most know that I am young and married 22 at that....But are there other very young couples? Or were some of the older guys married at this age?

I ask because I start Law school in the fall and I was wondering if there is any advice that can be given about being in grad school and still making time for your significant other.

My parents got married at 22 about a year and a half out of undergrad at Harvard. As hokey as this may sound, really having Christ as the center of everything in your relationship certainly helps. I do not know a lot about what my parents were like when they dated in school but the Lord has blessed them immensely to be married for 30 plus years and 4 amazing children (I'm the 3rd of the 4). Taking time in the morning to pray with and for each other really will go far in the relationship.

BJWilliams wrote:

jmdickens wrote:Most know that I am young and married 22 at that....But are there other very young couples? Or were some of the older guys married at this age?

I ask because I start Law school in the fall and I was wondering if there is any advice that can be given about being in grad school and still making time for your significant other.

My parents got married at 22 about a year and a half out of undergrad at Harvard. As hokey as this may sound, really having Christ as the center of everything in your relationship certainly helps. I do not know a lot about what my parents were like when they dated in school but the Lord has blessed them immensely to be married for 30 plus years and 4 amazing children (I'm the 3rd of the 4). Taking time in the morning to pray with and for each other really will go far in the relationship.

post acknowledged

Purple Haize wrote:My first wife and I were married for a few months before I went off to Grad school and she stayed here. We would get together for the weekends about somewhere 1/2 way. My advice is as follows:

1. Get ALL of your classwork done during the week. This gives you Saturday and Sunday to devote to each other. Don't let your homework bleed into the weekend.
2. Make sure you have a "Date Nite" Doens't have to be anything fancy, Chef Boy Ardee pizza and a movie, $1 movie, grocery shopping at Wal Mart. Something that gets you two together.
3. DON'T HAVE A BABY. Or if she can help it her either. Talk about turning your world upside down!!
4. Go somewhere during breaks, but not somewhere too far. STAY AWAY FROM RELATIVES. This is your time together, not theirs.
5. Define boundaries. This is a toughy. If you are setting aside time during the week for school you both must respect that. If you are setting aside time on the weekend for each other then you both must respect that.
6. She will probably go to bed before you. Make sure you two do your devotions at about that time. Unless you are both morning folks.

Hope that helps

I'm neither married nor young (although some of the older hags might disagree). I just wanted to say that Chef Boyardee pizza is the bomb diggity.

I got married when I was 20 (my wife was 19). We both finished our undergrads. I worked full time which was not easy. Mrmac has some good advice especially staying away from family. Now my wife is almost done with her Masters and I will be starting mine shortly. Just remember this "happy wife happy life".

Hey JM, i am 24, just got married in March and also just started Law School this fall. I am going Part time to school (at night) whiile working full time during the day. It was very hard at first but my wife supports me the whole way and we mak time for each other. I made a commitment to her that every Friday night will be Date Night and I will do no law on Friday night. I spend all day Saturday and except for church time all day Sunday doing HW. So far, it had been just fine. It may be very different for you if you are just doing law school since it may free up some extra time during the nights and weekend. Just make sure that your wife is your priority or it is not worth it.

It is TOUGH. You must find a way for both of you to have balance in your lives. I was 29 with a one-year old when my I uprooted my family for a one-year grad program. I did not seek balance...it was all school and my grad assistantship...and it created great strain. BJ is right...have GOD as the center of the relationship. We did not place Him there that one year.

I married as an old hag just a day short of my 31st birthday. But the same principles apply ... you must set aside specific time for your wife. I haven't always done it well myself over the years but it is necessary to keep the marriage from getting too bumpy.

I will tell you that enduring these difficult times as a newlywed has its advantages. She's not as likely to complain during the honeymoon stages of the marriage as she will be a couple years down the road.

thepostman wrote:every marriage has hardships starting out...

I am not saying that some people should not get married young...but there are those of us who are and I get sick of hearing about how I should've waited til I got out of school...I've been married 2 months now and am far from an expert...but I would not trade this life for the world....of course hardships will come..and I fully expect them to...

but if you truly feel you both are ready to take the plunge and have talked about it and talked about all the changes beforehand I think you'll be fine...

my wife and i tried out best to talk about everything before getting married, that way we would be prepared for balancing school,work, and married life....

so far so good

I'm not saying it was wrong or that you should've waited, I'm just saying that for me I'm glad I'm not married because I feel like marriage would hold me back from some great experiences right now. On the other hand, for you, marriage at this point is probably the greatest experience and I'm glad you're happy.

great points ATrain...nobody should jump into marriage without knowing they are ready....people do that all the time and they encounter much more then early marriage hardships....

I'm 20 years old and marriage is the furthest thing from my mind. I have no desire to get married anytime soon. I'm sure you didn't either until you met your wife. I want to get through with school, get settled with a job and all of that before I even consider it.

yeah...i really had no desire for marriage...it just kind of happens...I am old...kind of(24)...I took some time off before school so I mean I am a little further along in life....at 20 I was exactly the same way...

When it happens you just don't want to let it get away....and thats just how it was in my case....and I have yet to regret it

When my wife and I got engaged, I was 21 and she was 19. We made a promise to each other that we wouldn't get married until we were both completely done with school even if it meant bumping back the wedding date. She graduated a year early. We got married the summer after that (when she was 20 and I was 22).

We didn't have any desire to live married life as students. We both wanted to be done with school and into some kind of professional (or semi-professional, at least) mode before we tied the knot. It was just something that we thought would work best for us. In retrospect, I'm very glad that we did that.

El scorchos story seems very along the lines of me. Im in a relationship, have no doubt this is the women God created to be my wife and she has no doubt im the Man God created to be her husband. Neither of us can wait to get married, but we can, and we want to. Much like Scorch, we both want to be completely done and started on our way to our careers. We practically are engaged, but we dont want to have a long engagement either. Both of us still have about two years, so yeah. Maybe next summer.

my first wife and I met at LU, and only 1 year after both of us left the mountain we were married at ages 21 and 22.

BAD MOVE. We were NOT prepared and had NO life experience for which to ready us for marriage.

In retrospect- though I am sure it works well in certain, special instances- I'd really advise younger guys to wait until at LEAST your late 20's or early 30's. The years you spend growing on your own will help you.

Having said that- I wish in NO WAY to denigrate anyone here that has married earlier. Only you know what works for you and your partner. I just know it wasn't healthy for me OR my ex.

In contrast, my second wife and I spent 7 years together and were then married at ages 36 and and 33. HUGE DIFFERENCE. I feel we are much stronger individually and as a result, make a much stronger couple.

Take it for what it's worth...

theoneandonly wrote:El scorchos story seems very along the lines of me. Im in a relationship, have no doubt this is the women God created to be my wife and she has no doubt im the Man God created to be her husband. Neither of us can wait to get married, but we can, and we want to. Much like Scorch, we both want to be completely done and started on our way to our careers. We practically are engaged, but we dont want to have a long engagement either. Both of us still have about two years, so yeah. Maybe next summer.

No need to rush it. If it's meant to be, it'll be. The only reason we got engaged when we did is because my grandfather gave me my grandmother's engagement/wedding ring set. He offered them to me and I was politely trying to come up with a way to tell him that I had already completely picked out the kind of ring that would be right for her in my head. Would you believe that he showed them to me and they were exactly what I had in mind? True story. I had them cleaned up and made sure the stone was set well, then I kept them for three and a half months. I finally got tired of waiting to ask her and planned a proposal. We had a long engagement (a year and a half), but the timing of everything just worked out. If it hadn't, we definitely wouldn't have hurried it in any way. I think that knowing you've found the one and still being able to take your time with it is a telltale sign of a solid relationship.

Now if my wife were sharing on this subject she might say "Don't do it! Get out now!", but fortunately she won't be leaving the kitchen any time soon, so you'll just have to be content with my version of things.