[thepostman]

I still think its a long term parenting fail

[BJWilliams]

It very well could be postie...with all of the varying opinions on this situation, we really only know what has been said in the news reports about their family dynamic. Nobody, myself included, has been around this family and knows with absolute certainty how this young lady feels toward her father. Now, we can speculate that feeling (and have), but for all we know, she may have a wonderful relationship with Coach Hameline and they may be even closer as a result of this situation. After this year, this date won't fall on a Saturday again for a number of years, and its possible Coach Hameline may be retired when that happens, but when September 20 rolls around, she will probably only remember it as her anniversary, nothing more...nothing less.

[Yacht Rock]

The whole "you don't understand my job" is an excuse. Like I said, we make sacrifices for our kids. Remember, your daughter didn't choose your career. You did. She shouldn't be forced to deal with the consequences of your choice. At the very least, the burden is on the parent to look for flexibility in his career because he is the one that chose that career, not the daughter.

And I from everything you've said you have given me clear reason to question how much you would sacrifice for your children. I'm sorry if it's insulting but you yourself are saying that if your child came to you asking you to be at their wedding you would basically say "Tough luck, if I'm paying for it we will do it on my terms." Sounds real sacrificial to me. :-/

[Purple Haize]

"You don't understand my job" is most certainly not an excuse but a reality. Coaching is an entirely different animal than any other civilian job. You have set dates that 99.9% of the time you can not miss.
Period. Football more so than any other. Basically one day a week you can't miss. That's not a cop out or an excuse but a fact of the profession. If that's something you have difficulty grasping than you really don't understand his job.

And if someone is forking over the money to pay for a wedding, those things aren't cheap. Not sure anyone should be questioning any ones sacrifice.

[Yacht Rock]

LOL. All careers have demands. At the end of the day we have to decide. What is more important, something my child is asking of me or my career (insert any career here).

It's not the career that's important, it's the heart of the person willing to make sacrifices.

To be honest, I would die for my kids and that's a much bigger sacrifice than anyone's career (even a football coach). In addition, none of you fill my shoes at my work, so I guess unless all of us have the same exact job we all would just have to refuse to comment. I don't think that's true though? I think that sacrifice for your children transcends any career. If it doesn't for you, then I would check your priorities. Now, sometimes the sacrifice may simply be asking for an accommodation and itt may not be possible to make adjustments or get time away from your job. All jobs are different and we each have to answer to different employers. When my dad got remarried in 2001 (in Vegas, you'd be proud PH) I was out of the country. I tried to be there but I couldn't. I don't feel guilty for not being there because I gave it my best shot. In addition, I would never expect them to change the date of their wedding on account of the fact that I was working overseas. I looked into being there but I couldn't make it work. I honestly would feel much more convicted if I had the selfish attitude that they should adjust their wedding to my schedule. The sacrificial love we are called to means that sometimes we have to give up something we love (sports, career, anything, position) for someone we love.

I understand that 99% of coaches out there would never be able to pull this off. My point is, the act of even considering it, is an act of love.

I would also venture to say that planting your feet in the sand and saying "I won't even attempt budge" to your kids is not demonstrating love or sacrifice at all.

And the whole idea of paying for a wedding to somehow gain leverage over the planning of the event wreaks of being controlling. At the end of the day, the only thing that should stop any of us fathers is what we can legitimately afford.

I stand by the fact that asking anyone to ensure their wedding dates don't conflict with your career choice is a pretty selfish move. Demonstrating sacrifice doesn't change depending on whether you work at McDonalds or whether you work for a D1 college football team. To think that our parenting standards of what we are willing to do for our kids should somehow change depending on what career you have would be crazy.

And again, I understand from a practical standpoint, we all can adjust life at different levels. But we're talking about issues of the heart and what would you attempt to do for your kids.

[Yacht Rock]

And if someone is forking over the money to pay for a wedding, those things aren't cheap. Not sure anyone should be questioning any ones sacrifice.

1sac·ri·fice noun \ˈsa-krə-ˌfīs, also -fəs or -ˌfīz\
: the act of giving up something that you want to keep especially in order to get or do something else or to help someone

I think if you put a ton of strings on something you are giving someone it no longer really becomes a sacrifice.

[flamehunter]

Yacht - so we should pay absolutely as much as we can afford? That's the only limit? Wow! That's not the lesson I want my kids to learn.

[Purple Haize]

I'm pretty sure everyone would die for their kids.
I would counter by saying scheduling a wedding on a date they know would cause undue hardship on their parents is selfish.
You say the only thing that should stop Fathers is what they can legitimately afford. 99% of coaches legitimately cannot afford to miss a game. So by that standard it's not unreasonable for a Father to make that request.
My question about your being overseas for your Dads wedding,did you both know years in advance that you would be overseas? That would be a better comparisons. Heck, I wasn't at my sisters wedding because she moved it to a date we knew for 4 years I would not be able to attend. She didn't attend mine because she didn't want to fly out to Sin City. I don't think either of us were selfish.
We've lived with restrictions on our life during the season for 16 years. Our family gets it. Our schedule is further restricted because of the school calendar. Our family knows if they want us to attend something, during the season it won't happen. So unless you are dying (which has happened) we will get there when we can and enjoy out time together. IMO, it's a matter of respect. They respect our situation and we respect theirs.

[Cider Jim]

Mrs. Cider wanted our wedding in her hometown of El Paso on a Saturday, which was my Dad's busiest day of work, so he passed on the wedding, even though I wanted to make him my best man.

It never occured to us to have the wedding on a Sunday or a Monday, which were Dad's off days, even though he would have had to fly 1700 miles for the wedding.

We never held it against my family for not coming to our wedding (or at least I didn't).

[Purple Haize]

My mother in law was in Vegas. For the wedding. And still missed it......

[BJWilliams]

Most of my wife's family missed our wedding...course they flip flopped more than John Kerry's presidential campaign about the relationship and the wedding. 95% of the guests were friends of family of mine. She says she doesn't hold it against them but deep down I think she is still upset they stifed her on her most important day because they would have done Iit evdn if we got married in October or on New Year's eve